I Just Want To Live

Today is Tisha B'Av. The ninth day of the Hebrew month of Av. As I write this I'm sitting on a stone floor in synagogue, listening to the words of Kinot. I'm already feeling hunger pains and I can't eat for another 11 hours.

Today my emotions are pretty much all over the place. Here are a few:

-Today I am sad: I am starting to internalize and feel the lives lost in this war. I've been trying to keep a mental distance from the war, made possible in part because I don't know anyone personally in Gaza, putting their lives on the line for me. Until yesterday, when my neighbor got called up. He's leaving and his wife will be home alone. I can't stand leaving Rivkah for a night. Who knows when he'll return?

-Today I am questioning: It sure seems like the IDF has been able to go into Gaza and strike a crippling blow to the Hamas tunnel network. But what comes next? If we dismantle Hamas does ISIS move in? Those guys are super intense and make Hamas look like small time crime. Can Gaza be rehabilitated and made into an economic partner? So many questions that only "tomorrow" can answer. 

-Today I am happy?: The ground forces are retreating from Gaza. The most dangerous part of the mission was when troops were on the ground in Gaza, at risk of enemy fire, mortars, kidnapping and booby traps. Pulling out signifies that for the moment, our troops will be a little safer. As well, they will be at less of a risk of killing innocent people. I know that every death must weigh heavily on the soldiers. Am Yisrael Chai means the nation of Israel lives. As I said in my previous post, we are a nation that exalts life. 

There are many other emotions swirling around in there today as well. But the last major one is this:

-Today I want to live: I've been having a very hard time understanding how someone could want, more than anything else, me dead. What did I ever do to Joe Palestine besides for exist? Does the fact that my mother was Jewish and her mother was Jewish really offend him so much that he wants me to DIE? I'm having even more trouble understanding how this mentality isn't confined to one person, or three people. There are millions of people all over the world who would just love it if I dropped dead. Because I'm Jewish. 

Anyway, these are my Tisha B'Av musings. May we never have to mourn this day again as all of my Jewish brothers and sisters return to this beautiful land with the coming of Mashiach speedily.